Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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