there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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