who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
