It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize