if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
