I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize