tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
