she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
