puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
