What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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