I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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