why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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