And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
