just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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