she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
