i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
