it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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