The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
