Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
where am i from again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
