I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
