He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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