my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
