4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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