For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
