ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize