my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
