grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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