Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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