Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
