Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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