Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if only i could text you this smell
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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