and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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