Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
