Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
