Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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