I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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