Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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