How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
