I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
