I want to walk on stilts...naked
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this just has baby written all over it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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