Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
