break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
