we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
