You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
