Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
