im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize