I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize