i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my liver is dry heaving
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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