the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
