i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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