Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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