my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
