I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
