She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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