If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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