I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
