she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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