I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
