You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't turn off my feet"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
