Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
