remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
