we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
