why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
