miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
