I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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