He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
