brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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