Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
